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Do you know what happens when you're not self-confident?

There are so many symptoms one can have due to a lack of self-confidence, but also so many benefits when you have confidence in you! I interviewed Avalaura Gaither, the internationally celebrated Intuitive Consultant and Life Coach about self-confidence. I asked her some questions I (and many people) have about it, and here is what this amazing person wrote to me:

1. What does self-confidence mean to you, and how does being self-confident impact your life?

The ultimate Confidence is cultivated when you are living in your true purpose and passion.

When you live on purpose, you are actively showing the world you are willing to take risks, and your greatest risk is to believe in yourself and your own ability to embrace your freedom, and live life on your own terms. I have been an entrepreneur for 15 years full time. I have been able to impact thousands of people all over the world and help them from settling in life to achieving significance in your life, relationships, business and career. I could not have achieved this successfully if I did not have self-confidence.

2. According to you, what are the benefits of being self-confident?

The benefits are numerous. Here are my top 10.

  • You don’t need anyone else’s validation.

  • You teach and train people how to treat you. If you love and accept yourself, others will love and accept you too.

  • You boldly go after what you want in life even through the fear. You live life on your terms in alignment with your truth.

  • You become fearless, courageous and more successful.

  • You take risks.

  • You’re happy.

  • You’re more grateful and able to bounce back and rebound quicker from stress, hardship, disappointment and pain.

  • You have a presence, an aura, an energy about you that others are attracted to.

  • You have healthier more fulfilling relationships.

  • Improved health- mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

3. What are the symptoms of a lack of self-confidence?

  • Not practicing self care. Prioritizing other people’s needs, wants and desires before your own and putting yourself last. Continuously giving and not receiving back.

  • Not having healthy boundaries, allowing others to take advantage of you.

  • Not advocating or speaking up for yourself.

  • Playing it safe, not taking risks. Living life on other people’s terms and not your own.

  • Always doubting yourself, not trusting your own intuition or self. Indecision.

  • Negative self-talk, anxiety, fear and depression.

  • Always comparing yourself to others and falling short.

  • Feeling unworthy, useless and settling for the crumbs you get in life.

  • Always feeling guilty and apologizing unnecessarily.

  • Not being able to create healthy relationships or social life. Forming codependent, toxic and needy relationships with others where you constantly look for others to validate you and tell you that you’re good enough.

  • Being overly sensitive and not being able to handle criticism or compliments.

4. What do you think is the one thing stopping people from being more self-confident, and how to overcome/fight it?

We have an average of 60,000 thoughts every single day and 80% of those thoughts are negative. These thoughts play in your head over and over again like a broken record. We also live in a society that feeds into these negative thoughts every day through advertisements, media entertainment, telling you that you are not enough. You need longer hair, a bigger butt, to lose weight and the list goes on. One of the major ways I help my clients permanently boost their confidence is to fully love and accept themselves (the good, the bad, and the ugly). We begin by identifying childhood traumas and negative experiences and then using the discreation techniques to release the negative thoughts that keep you stuck, wounded, broken and feeling unworthy. We then replace these thoughts, with the truth of who you are, not who you think you are so you show up more powerfully and your inner light shines through. You can’t help but feel more confident when you are operating out of your truth.

5. What habits can people do to maintain self-confidence?

Here are 5 things you can do right now!

  • Get a confidence role model. Think about someone who is confident and act, talk and walk like him or her. Model their mannerisms and behavior. If it works for them; it will work for you. Fake it to you make it, and borrow their confidence until you stand fully in your own. I adore Oprah and use her as my role model. When I get nervous, scared, start to doubt myself- I think what would Oprah do?

  • Smile. I smile all day everyday. There are people who are attracted to me and want to work with me just because I’m always smiling and laughing. One of my clients told me I have so much positive energy that I have to be doing something right, and she wanted to learn how to do what I was doing. When you smile, your light shines through and people are attracted to you. Marilyn Monroe said “A smile is the best makeup a girl could wear.”

  • Learn from the past; don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s gone; it’s never coming back. Instead, learn from it for next time. Stop judging yourself, your faults, mistakes and failures. Realize that mistakes are stepping stones to success. As one of my mentors says- life is a series of commas, not a period. Fall down 7 times, get up 8.

  • Learn how to say no to people. Learn healthy boundaries. I just did a very powerful 6- week coaching program Breakdown to Breakthrough, and one of the topics was how to effectively assert your boundaries. If you don’t have healthy boundaries, you won’t have the confidence, intimacy, love and support you desperately desire. Learn to say no, ask for what you want and expect that you will get it.

  • Play to your strengths and your passions. Know what you are good at, and expose yourself to these opportunities at every opportunity. Because you’re good at it, and you’re passionate about it, you’ll enjoy it, and have more confidence. As they say, stay in your lane! I know I’m the at helping individuals heal, transform, and achieve their greatness to live a life of purpose and passion. I do it easily, naturally, I eat, sleep and breathe it. Now if you asked me how to follow directions to put together that Ikea bookcase, fix something that is broken, or organize a closet- I am not the one. That is not my strength- I stay in my lane. Stop trying to be all things to all people. You don’t need to be Superwoman, you have nothing to prove. Focus on your gifts and abilities and delegate the rest.

6. What tools would you recommend for people who want to learn more about self-confidence?

My online video course — “Magnetic Confidence: 6 Week eCourse to Captivating Self Confidence, Self Esteem & Self Love” on my website at

About Avalaura

David Fisher profile picture

Embrace all that you are, in service to the world and to your highest and most incredible life — the journey waits for no one, it begins now.

This is a challenge from Avalaura, the internationally celebrated Intuitive Consultant and Life Coach. Avalaura passionately assists individuals who dare to live their best lives.

She takes her clients from hole to wholeness in their life, relationships and business by guiding them through a powerful healing process that helps them discover who they are, who they wish to be, and how to get there. If now is the time for you to live a freedom- focused life, detox yourself of limiting beliefs that no longer serve you, and create an unrecognizable reality — then Avalaura is the guide you’ve been waiting for. Avalaura is a Licensed Graduate Social Worker who holds a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology and a Master’s Degree in Social Work. Additionally, she is a trained Reiki Master/Teacher, Certified Life Coach and Spiritual Counselor, Hypnotherapist, Holistic Aromatherapist and Yoga/Meditation Instructor. Avalaura has been featured for her work on the Real Housewives of Potomac, Afro American Newspaper, Ruby Magazine, the Huffington Post, Readers Digest, and The Root.

You can connect with Avalaura through her Instagram @healeravalaura and Twitter @HealerAvalaura

About the interviewer

Jeff Monnery profile picture

My name is Jeff Monnery, a videographer and documentarian whose mission is to ensure people are given the choice to make positive changes toward self-empowerment. I am the founder of Spoken Out Stories, a video series about stories of people who lived a hard experience in their life, and found their way to move forward with courage, determination, and optimism.

You can connect with me through my social media pages:





About An Unlearning Initiative

An Unlearning Initiative is an interview series of people sharing the experience and expertise on various topics around mental health, self-empowerment, empathy, and love.

It is about giving others diverse perspectives from around the World to help unlearn misconceptions and enlighten people toward a better understanding of what is around them.

You can connect with An Unlearning Initiative through these social media pages:



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