You might have been knocked down before, but bounced back with determination, courage, and strength. If you haven’t, you might know someone who has. This is resilience. The ability to adapt in the face of adversity. But how can you be more resilient? What mistakes can people make when trying to adapt or recover? And what is the number one thing stopping people to do that?
There are a lot of questions about this topic, and I asked Sibusiso Nkosi, Founder and Executive Life Coach at Growth Peak Wellness, to answer some of them. Here is what he wrote back to me:
1. What does resilience mean to you, and how did being resilient impact your life?
Resilience is when your levels of focus and tenacity are high. That means, you are fully locked in to your ambition, and have the fight in you to chase it no matter what. It’s about mental strength. Equipping your mind with the right skills, and practicing those skills over and over. My resilience has helped me to chase my career ambitions. I became an executive at age 36 because I always pushed boundaries, and chased what I want. It has also helped me to brave it out, leave my executive position, and start my own coaching company.
2. According to you, what are the benefits of being more resilient?
When you are resilient, you get to live to your fullest potential. Your mind becomes sharp, and you can spot opportunities no matter how they are packaged. It’s like having a third eye or sixth sense. You are so focused, that you can piece opportunities together quickly, and act on them. You also stay on for the rough ride until those opportunities are yours.
3. What are the symptoms of a lack of resilience?
There are many. But to put them all in one umbrella, you start to live below your potential when your resilience drops. You settle for basic things. Even though deep inside you can feel there’s something more, you just struggle to put your finger on it, and unlock it. You get that frustration which has side effects such as anger, stress, anxiety and constant worry.
4. What do you think can be the number one thing stopping people from being more resilient?
Past trauma. Whether mild or extreme. Trauma comes in different forms. The trauma of being bullied. The trauma of not getting validation. The trauma of growing up poor. There are many levels. An event that happened in the past can lead to self-doubt or a low self-concept. That then cripples you when things get tough. You start to remember similar situations that happened in the past. That feeling becomes familiar, and you cave. Sometimes, it comes across as laziness, pride or ego. But all those things are mechanisms to cover the trauma.
5. What are some mistakes people make when trying to be more resilient?
They mask their trauma hoping it will go away. They think when they mask it, then they can hit a switch, and resilience will come on. It does not work like that. You have to train your mind to focus and be tenacious. It’s a process. At the same time, you need to unpack that past trauma and decode it. You have to go over several meetings with yourself. There is no quick fix.
6. What tools would you recommend for people who want to learn more about resilience?
People can follow my company blog on https://wellness.growthpeak.co.za/blog/. I speak a lot about this subject in different contexts. Unfortunately there aren’t many resources that speak about Mental Strength in the way I look at it. It is what’s missing in the market, hence I came in to close that gap. So I will be releasing more content on my company blog. There is a lot of misleading information that refers to resilience as “thick skin” (which is a trait) instead of a real mental skill. That often puts pressure on people to “man up”. That is wrong.
Sibusiso Nkosi is a certified Life Coach with a specific focus on Mental Strength Development. He specializes in the area of developing Focus and Tenacity in people, using a unique approach which incorporates exercise. Once the mental Strength is up, he assists his clients with career planning and business coaching. His programmes can be used for Employee Wellness and Assistance, Youth and Women Empowerment, Community Development, and Entrepreneurial and Intrapreneurial Development.
He hosts a monthly workshop to teach HR Practitioner the skill of Life Coaching so that they can enhance team performance. He also provides consulting services to companies that need data on factors that are affecting or might affect team performance in future.
He started a network for mothers called the Mental Strength Circle. He gives them two free Mental Strength Assessments a year and other support including discounts on all his services.
Want to know more? You can email him on firstname.lastname@example.org.
You can also connect with him through his social media pages:
Instagram — @lifecoachsbu
Twitter — @sibusisonkosi_
About the interviewer
My name is Jeff Monnery, a videographer and documentarian whose mission is to ensure people are given the choice to make positive changes toward self-empowerment. I am the founder of Spoken Out Stories, a video series about stories of people who lived a hard experience in their life, and found their way to move forward with courage, determination, and optimism.
You can connect with me through my social media pages:
Instagram — @jeffmonnery
Twitter — @jeffmonnery
Facebook — @JeffMonnery
LinkedIn — @jeffmonnery
About An Unlearning Initiative
An Unlearning Initiative is an interview series of people sharing the experience and expertise on various topics around mental health, self-empowerment, empathy, and love.
It is about giving others diverse perspectives from around the World to help unlearn misconceptions and enlighten people toward a better understanding of what is around them.
You can connect with An Unlearning Initiative through these social media pages:
Instagram — @anunlearninginitiative
Twitter — @AnUnlearning
Facebook — @anunlearninginitiative